Saturday, July 18, 2015

A simple illustration of why America 2.0 is screwed beyond belief.

Using a fire extinguisher is manly:

//OMG! You guys! That whole "Eloi and Morlocks" thing? It's coming true! If you know how to work a screwdriver, your descendents really are doomed to an underground life, eating the descendents of telephone sanitizers and TV news anchors.

As evidence, I present the following snippet of dialogue from a TODAY® show segment where investigative reporter Jeff Rossen learns how to deal with a kitchen fire. (I seem to recall this being covered in second grade by a cartoon dalmatian, but that's neither here nor there.)

I am including in the dialogue the parts where I was yelling at the television.
Savannah Guthrie: "A lot of us are intimidated though, like, by the idea of turning it on..." *makes gestures and facial expressions as though she's holding a well-greased and annoyed cobra at arms length*

Me: "Wut?" *tilts head on side like RCA Victor mascot*

Jeff Rossen: "I... I will tell you, I actually never used a fire extinguisher before and I thought there would be a kickback and I was afraid to use it..."

Me: (yelling) "OH. MY. GOD! It's a fire extinguisher, you sackless herbivore! What are you afraid of, you big girl's blouse?"//

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